A Mirror Up to Nature? Hollywood Tells Me About My Body

A Mirror Up to Nature? Hollywood Tells Me About My Body

By BGB Studio

Here is a blogpost from one of our BGB Actors, Kate Hamilton (pictured):

I’ve gone back and forth about sharing this post for a while.  A few months ago I shared a shorter version on my Facebook page and I was met with an incredible outpouring of support and empathy.  Since that first post, Donald “Pussy Grabber” Trump has taken office, a man who’s accused of sexually harassing women won an Oscar, and I feel like saying, “Fuck you”.  I don’t want to be vulnerable right now.  Open up about my weight, my body? Are you fucking kidding me? FUCK YOU.

That’s what I feel like saying, but I won’t.  Because I know the incredible relief I feel when I learn that someone else has dealt with issues similar to mine.  (It’s almost always a surprise. “You, too??”)  If one person feels that relief from hearing my story, it’s worth it to me.

A casting director once said that I don’t seem like “the kind of person who puts a lot of effort into being thin”.   She went on to explain that the leading roles I might otherwise be a contender for almost always go to skinny women.  Women like Kate Winslet* are an exception.  But if I wanted to gain twenty pounds, I could be in the realm of the best friend, sidekick, etc.  Crazy-making, right?  But this casting director wasn’t trying to be hurtful. In fact, she was trying to be helpful.  She was merely putting a voice to a truth of the industry.

Her phrasing, however, stuck with me.  “I don’t seem like the kind of person who puts effort into being thin.”

In retrospect, it’s almost funny to think about.  I was the youngest person in my Weight Watchers meeting at age 11. That took a lot of effort.   I did P90X once and lost 20 lbs in a summer.  That took a lot of effort.  Today I try to maintain a balance between being physically healthy, living my life, and looking a certain way to have a shot at being a working actor.  That takes the most effort of all.

I’ve always struggled with being in an industry that is quite possibly the largest part of the problem; portraying human beings at the apex of the gene pool as models of what we should all strive to be.  I don’t know where I fit in this business.  I’d love to say that I want to succeed as an actor so young girls everywhere can see a “normal woman” on their TV screens.  But that would mean that I’d have to acknowledge that I’m not simply “on my way to my goal weight”.  I’d have to be ok with (or even proud of) the way I am now. And honestly, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do that yet.

I don’t have the answer. I don’t even know what my own plan is.  I’m leaning towards soldiering forward as a “normal”.  Because fuck you Donald Trump.  (Sorry, I know I said I wasn’t going to say that).  But in all honesty, I’m tired of listening to what other people tell me to do with my body.  I’m going to have to get right with me, first.

What I do know is that shame feeds on silence, and that silence isn’t good enough for me anymore.

*I think that Kate Winslet is HOT, and would be proud to be considered an “exception” with her.

Related Posts
THE CAREER COACH
Not a series regular yet? Listen to our Audio Series that guides you every step of the way.
THE PILOT SEASON
PLAYBOOK
You need a revolutionary approach to PILOT SEASON. Get the Insider’s Playbook.
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE
This is the path to life-changing, creative power. Seriously.
THE 10 DAY
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE:
LETTING GO!
This is the path to life-changing, creative power.
The Secret to
Audition Success.
It will change the way you audition forever.
Get the Free Audio Download
 from Risa and Steve.
The Secret to
Audition Success.
It will change the way you audition forever.
Get the Free Audio Download
 from Risa and Steve.
The Secret to
Audition Success.
It will change the way you audition forever.
Get the Free Audio Download
 from Risa and Steve.
THE PILOT SEASON
PLAYBOOK
You need a revolutionary approach to PILOT SEASON. Get the Insider’s Playbook.
THE PILOT SEASON
PLAYBOOK
You need a revolutionary approach to PILOT SEASON. Get the Insider’s Playbook.
THE CAREER COACH
Not a series regular yet? Listen to our Audio Series that guides you every step of the way.
THE CAREER COACH
Not a series regular yet? Listen to our Audio Series that guides you every step of the way.
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE
This is the path to life-changing, creative power. Seriously.
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE
This is the path to life-changing, creative power. Seriously.
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE:
LETTING GO!
This is the path to life-changing, creative power. And it’s FREE. Seriously.
THE 10 DAY
ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE:
LETTING GO!
This is the path to life-changing, creative power.
GET MORE BGB.
ADVICE, INSPIRATION, & INDUSTRY INSIGHT.
Subscribe to our private mailing list today!
ACTOR'S CHALLENGE:
THE 10 DAY
LETTING GO.
Sign up to start The Challenge today!
Your BGB
HERE
Class is
SCENE
SCREEN
to
Take control of your career. Create your own content.
WRITE! DIRECT! SHOOT!
8 Weeks
BGB Summer of
Acting Fun
SCENE
SCREEN
to
Take control of your career. Create your own content.
WRITE! DIRECT! SHOOT!
8 Weeks
CELEBRATE
LGBT+ Pride Month
BGB Pride
CELEBRATE
LGBT+ Pride Month
BGB Pride
Join a BGB Ongoing Class for July!
Declare Your
Artistic
Independence
Join a BGB Ongoing Class for July!
Declare Your
Artistic
Independence
for LGBT+ actors of color
The Jeffrey
Bowyer-Chapman Scholarship
APPLY NOW
for LGBT+ actors of color
APPLY NOW
The Jeffrey
Bowyer-Chapman Scholarship
SECURE YOUR FALL CLASS TODAY!
Come Back
To Your
Talent
SECURE YOUR FALL CLASS TODAY!
Come Back
To Your
Talent
Tune into their
Video Stories
Actors Declare their Artistic Independence
Tune into their
Video Stories
Actors Declare their Artistic Independence
Enter for a chance to win 10% off class & career coaching with Risa
Opt-in To Win
Enter for a chance to win 10% off class & career coaching with Risa
Opt-in To Win
THE BGB 10 DAY ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE:
FINDING YOUR POWER!
Give us your email and we can send these blogs straight to your inbox so you don't have to keep coming back here.
OPT IN
OPT IN
Give us your email and we can send these blogs straight to your inbox so you don't have to keep coming back here.
Plus! Get a Free Audio Download from Risa and Steve.
THE BGB 10 DAY ACTOR'S
CHALLENGE:
FINDING
YOUR
POWER!
Toronto Audition Intensives
Nov 4 - 6
You deserve to audition with power!
Toronto Audition Intensives
Nov 4 - 6
You deserve to audition with power!
podcast
Free Podcast
Please provide your contact info to access our podcast.

podcast
Free Podcast
Please provide your contact info to access our podcast.
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
Free Podcast:
"Why A Bad Reader Is A Gift"
Finally. The answer is here.
Just sign up below and we'll send you your free audio content!
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